Not emo-ing X infinity.
Really i am not emo-ing..

And i am super fedup out of a sudden.
What is wrong with you.
Or what is wrong with me.
Omg.
Since like ages ago.
I already already already wanted to let go.
But now and yes now.
Why do u keep popping out.
What for?
For what?
I am so irritated.
So what if i cant put it down?
So what if its been so long?
Eventually i will let go and yes i will.
So go away.
Yes i dont care....not at all....i dont care.
It doesnt matter much where you go.
And where you would be.
So just move on.
Please.
Move on.

Take a good look at the picture.
But end up missing all the small details.
That is so dumb.

Woke up quite early today.
But fall asleep again.
It is like that everyday.
The sky was overcasted.
It is like that everyday too.
Gazed at the table full of chemistry and biology notes.
It is like that everyday too.
I'm bored to death studying the two worst subject in the world.
Yes biology is now the worst subject in the world.
Only nervous system is interesting.
And the rest are like omg-ly tough.
At least chemistry seems better than biology now.
Oh man.
Tough subjects made me sleepy.
Can someone help me to study instead?
I still want to daydream.

Daydream 1.
My cool holiday is about to end soon.
In hmmm..12 days.
With next year..
That mr neo as our biology teacher.
That block test in 12 plus 7 days.
That Alevels coming like real soon.
There are going to have many many rounds of pens and papers war waiting for a brainless soldier.

Daydream 2.
And in 2 days time.
2009 is about to end.
And here we go again.
2009 is about to end just like how 2008 ended.
Flashbacks or should i call it memories?
I just thought of...
Each and every different individuals in my life.
Those still in and obviously those who are out long ago.
All the happenings.
All the big and small events.
Just everything i can still remember throughout the years.
And obviously the recent years..2008 2009.
Actually nothing lahs.
It is just daydreaming about the past.
Life are always full of regrets.
Full of annoyance.
Full of silly things.

Daydream 3.
I dont know why.
A moment ago.
It wasnt like this.
But the moment next.
It changed.
Everything changed.
But the moment after the next.
It changed back again.
It was just some attitude towards everything in the world.
I must have the golden sunshine attitude towards life.
But i have i dont have.
I must have the pleasant interested attitude towards studies.
But i have i dont have.
I must have the rainbow hope attitude towards everything.
But i have i dont have.
SO SO SO erratic.

Downbeat.

All things said are not done.
All promise made are not fulfill.
All words said are not true.
All dates decided are not for real.
Super fedup.
Somewhat everything was no longer the same.
Awesome.

Anyway yesterday was a sunday.
Went Mr Roy's house like early in the morning.
Meet at cwp at 1100.
Then went down to the bus interchange to take bus to Tampines.
Walked to to Mr Roy's house from some busstop and it was far.
Fishy wong saw a piece of ginseng on the way.
It was so funny.
Reached his house and his house was windy.
As usual not much chairs around.
Then toured around his house then had our lunch.
The satay was nice.
After that watched kong fu panda there.
It was so funny.
Then at around 3 plus 4 plus we went off.
Went tampines mall with hweekee and huizhen and fishy wong.
I was so sleepy.
Then went orchard to find lili and may.
Had dinner at swensen in orchard ion and it was damn cold.
Was shivering in there.
Then went home after that.
Seeing 4E1 people made me miss wrs life.

If there wasnt that grand party that day.
If there wasnt any form of helping that time.
If there wasnt any handphone usage that moment.
Would things change for better?
Or would it turn for the worst.
But they are all just if and only if.

Perhaps the loss was too great that time.
Traumatisation was right there.
Scary was just a word to conceal timorousness.
For the again and again of the happenings.
Remoteness was once again being brought to the little world.
Silence.
Perhaps it was being seen as a grand solitude.
Perhaps it was just being seen as a little corner.
Sometimes even seen as privacy.
Yet the truth is they are just reasons of not knowing how to put it up front and outright.
Wanted to but not determine to get it out.
Tried to but still not courageous enough.
This is the real reason real fact real simple thing.
Afraid of this kind of loss again.
Perhaps the way of guarding it was wrong.
Gripping too tight became a burden to all parties.
Letting loose yet uncertainties creep in.
Too tight too loose become an undefined system.
Dont know whether give and give was wrong.
Dont know whether give and take is better.
Things dont go according to wishes.
Each contact brought hope.
Yet each event brought disappoinment.
Sometimes when inflicts are there.
It wont go away.

Location: Innova Primary School
Event: Bridging Graduation 2009
People: Punggol primary kids..teacher shamila..jane..jane's boyfriend..kenneth..and sunflower shimin

SO.
I cant sleep yesterday night.
I cant wake up early enough today.
Woke up at 7 when i am supposed to reach the school by 745.
Lucky its innova primary.
And it was raining super heavily in the morning.
Took the bus there and not soon later it rained.
Then shimin super funny.
But i shall not say why.
If not the bad woman will scold me.
Hahas.
So eventually.
Both of us got to the school at around 9 plus.
Went to find the kids.
I was so glad that they remembered us.
That was nice.
Then they were rehearsing their performance.
We were standing around.
Then after they rehearse we took photos and play while waiting.
Then went into hall.
Waited and play with them.
They were super funny.

One mr daniel keep making the ghost sound.
Then i become da gui he become xiao gui.
And he keep asking why.
And i always answer until i cant answer his why-s.
Super funny.
One mr suhaili likes pulling my hand and shimin's hand.
I think he like holding hands with people.
I think he is the only son in his family.
Then the two boys will pretend that they are Ben 10.
And they will fight.
And...i think they dont know who are the power rangers.
Omg..generation gap?
Lucky i know who is Ben 10.
If not chicken together ducks talk there.
One miss chien min will keep calling for daniel.
And the two boys told me a secret.
They find chien min naggy.
Super funny.
And and and chien min has a younger brother called chien ying.
He is super cute but he is not in the bridging class.
Can i go back again when he is going for the class in a few years time??
One miss ain will keep dancing everywhere.
And its tango.
And she will dance in the library.
And she always like to bully her 'camel' which is kenneth.
One miss pei qi loves making the duck quack sound.
She spent one day trying to remember our names.
And she showed me her dog collection.
And she bluff me sakura is not sakura.
I thought i got generation gap.
Then she told me she bluff me.
It is sakura.
I have no generation gap with the kids~
One miss insyhirah is a nice nice lady.
She always tell me she is tired.
Then she will smile and sit down quietly.
And there is also one jin kai.
Older than the rest.
Know more than the rest.

And then it was their turn to perform a skit.
And they are the little shark character.
Then everything ended like at 1pm.

Back from kiddy land to the reality.
Time passes so so so fast.
Perhaps a little bit too fast.
Somehow felt a little bit weird somewhere.
Coz it is the last time we will be seeing those kids.
And i think i will miss them.
And i dont know.
Just complicated feelings.
Feel abit empty.
Dont know is due to the kids or due to shimin that bad woman.
This bad woman has supernatural powers.
Omg..super scary.

Pictures taken.
But very limited.
I think i'm regretting now.
For not taking many photos with the kids.
I must learn from shimin loh.




















































PS:
Time do tell something but time do lie.
Difference between the time you finish or the time you start does matter.
Perhaps there is some wrong assumption...
Oh this is so obvious.

Today was a day.
I had a perfect morning.
I had a wonderful afternoon.
But.
The night wasnt quite right.

It was just one simple thing.
But the truth is..it hurt.

Lost the motivation.
Found the momentum.
Lost the desire.
Found the need to.
Lost the small hope.
Found the assumption.
Lost the attention.
Found the nonchalant.
Lost the concern.
Found the indifferent.
Lost the initiative.
Found the apathy.
Lost that little trust.
Found the great disappoinment.

What is this what is this what is this.